My Recipe (for the lady beaglers, lol)

Post by **Bev** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 1:52 pm

I know I will catch some flack over this, but I thought some of the working ladies might find it amusing. Somebody asked me what I did with all my spare time now that I'm not doing the monthly magazine, and after some thought I responded with this:

My Recipe to get thru a day.

Ingredients:
3 ounces good Kentucky bourbon
1 pack cigarettes
1 Blueberry Bagel
A dash of tolerance
4 cups sense of humor.

Follow instructions carefully. Preparation time, 24 hours. Serves one:

5:45 am - Hit snooze alarm for the 5th time and get up. Stumble to kitchen and put coffee on. Think to self that cold kitchen floor on bare feet works better than coffee.

5:55 am - Check e-mails while coffee is brewing, notice there are 14 more people who want activating for the message boards. Check “To Do” list made on Word Doc the night before.

6:00 am - Activate the14 people while drinking coffee, answer a dozen e-mails, read Daily Horoscope and Love Tarot (roll eyes at both), check the weather at weather.com and read forecast for more snow. Delete 300 junk mails in 4 different e-mail accounts. Check bank balance online and make note that phone bill is due.

6:30 am - Run warm water into bucket and take to dogs in the dark...in nightgown, coat, and kennel boots. Ignore neighbor who is peering at you thru his window like you're some kind of freak. Come back in and put a bagel in the toaster.

6:45 am - Shower and get dressed. Decide the black knit dress won't do with 7 inches of snow on the ground - put on black slacks and low-heeled shoes instead. Apply makeup. Notice that cold weather is chapping face, and nails need to be polished again. Spray hairspray around head in a circular motion like Raid on a hornet’s nest because there’s a 20 mph wind out today.

7:00 am - Notice bagel has gotten cold. Try to warm it in microwave. Walk around house holding cold bagel in teeth while gathering purse, mail, snow boots, etc. Bring in newspaper, close front door with foot. Throw newspaper in stack with other unread newspapers.

7:10 am – Put on coat and start Jeep because it's 3 degrees outside. Go back in, shut coffee pot off, take meat out of freezer and set on counter to thaw. Put on 2 more layers of clothes, take cell phone off charger and throw in purse. Make sure cigarettes and lighter are in there, too.

7:20 am - Go to Jeep, slamming bad knee against trailer hitch and dropping all items you were carrying. Cuss. Leave for work.

7:30 am – Pay the guy in the window at the Hardee’s drive-thru because the cold bagel was inedible. Eat and drink juice while driving to work. When within one mile of work, light cigarette and apply lipstick while dodging school bus. Cuss again while cutting off 3 people in traffic.

7:45 am – Arrive at work.

LUNCHTIME: Run any and all errands you can't do in the evening thru the week, i.e. grocery, banking, post office, drug store. Go thru Wendy’s and grab a salad. Smoke at least 3 cigarettes.

5:00 pm - Shut down computer at work, put the 2 layers of extra clothes back on, kick off dress shoes and put on snow boots. Sit in parking lot for 5 minutes waiting for Jeep to warm up. Take a drag off cigarette like it’s a cocaine fix. Look at gas gauge and decide one eighth of a tank is plenty to get home, but cigarettes are getting low. Look at self in rear view mirror and screech loudly. Take note to buy stronger hairspray at drugstore on lunch hour next day.

5:40 pm - Arrive home after hitting every red light and stopping for 2 trains. Gas gauge light is now blinking red. Carry in groceries, drugstore items and anything else acquired over lunch hour. Bring in junk mail. Remember the Hardee’s trash is still in the back seat of Jeep where it was thrown that morning. Vow to get it and the Wendy’s salad container out of there tomorrow…when stopping for gas and cigarettes.

6:00 pm - Peel off dress clothes, throw over chair in 2nd bedroom intending to hang up later with the rest of the week’s clothes. Peel off pantyhose. Put field gear on and kennel boots while water is running in bucket in kitchen sink. Go feed and water dogs and puppies. Notice that one of the puppies crapped in water bowl. Slam frozen water bowl 4 times against a block of ice on the ground from yesterday to knock out the sh*tty ice block in it today. Wash with warm water from bucket and replace. Catch up the 2 puppies that escaped while doing so. Dig around in snow for the dropped kennel lock snap.

6:20 pm - Return to house, peel off field clothes, make bourbon and coke while fingers are still frozen and won't feel the ice going into the glass, then run fingers under warm water to thaw. Put on soft sweats and fuzzy slippers. Start dinner with the meat left on counter that morning.

7:00 pm - Check e-mails again and decide what can get done on stud book in next 2 hours, or moderate the boards because some of the grown men members are acting like 14-yr-old pre-menstrual girls. Chat with a couple of friends in between on instant messenger. Run to kitchen because you've forgotten about dinner and it's burning. Open back door for 2 minutes to clear out smoke. Put unmentionables in the laundry downstairs because you put the last clean ones on today.

8:00 pm - Answer phone and remember the phone bill needs paying. Pay phone bill online while listening to grown son's confusion about why his three girlfriends hate each other.

9:00 pm - Make 3rd bourbon and coke, lay out clothes for next day, stack dishes in dishwasher only to find clean dishes in there that haven't been put away yet. Wash them a second time along with the dirty dishes.

9:30 pm - Undress in bathroom, wash off makeup (and other things), notice wrinkles and other body flaws in mirror and vow to start back at the ladies' gym when schedule settles down. Apply hydrocortisone cream to chapped face. Throw away 7 empty toilet paper rolls that have collected all week on the stand next to toilet. Take medicines and turn bathroom light off.

10:00 pm - Sit down at computer one last time to check e-mails, message boards, cross off 2 items on the "To Do" list and add 3 more for next day.

10:45 pm - Go to bed. Put Joe Sample CD on low, stuff a big pillow up against back to resemble somebody's nice warm belly, and try to hear 3 songs before falling asleep.

5:15 am - Begin process of hitting snooze alarm. Remember on the 5th time that the only clean underwear you have is still sitting in the washer downstairs, and the low-heeled dress shoes are at the office.

- - - - - - -

If I get froggy, I will write down what I do with all my spare time on the weekends, lol. It promises to be better than this.

marr24 · Post by **marr24** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 1:57 pm

Ha!! I love it!!

Although, I don't work, I do have 3 little kidders and go to school full time (kennel duties as well) so I feel your pain. Or, lack there of by the 3rd bourbon and coke LOL!!

-Stacy

Post by **Bev** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 2:51 pm

Stacy, it only gets better, lol. I remember your pain. The only time you have to yourself is after the kiddies have gone to bed - between 10 pm and whenever you decide you'd better get your butt to bed yourself because morning comes quickly.

TC · Post by TC » Sat Feb 10, 2007 3:27 pm

Oh my gosh Bev ya got it down...

That is what it is like here at the house too....

I bet all these wives are experiencing the same senario.... Even the stay at home women are worked to a frazzel... And still manage to get it done...

swamp mama · Post by **swamp mama** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 5:26 pm

Bev, I love it!! Good to know that I'm not the only woman who just sits around and does her nails all day long!!! LOL (you know, acording to my husband thats all I do!) But somehow when he doesnt see me all day,
I get a paycheck for it. Wonder where it comes from. Or how the house gets clean, the kids fed and clothed, the dogfood bought and brought home, paperwork for 2 clubs done, and the bills paid. I just love all this freetime.

Thanks from this female beagler for all you do for us!!!!!

marr24 · Post by **marr24** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 5:33 pm

The only time you have to yourself is after the kiddies have gone to bed - between 10 pm and whenever you decide you'd better get your butt to bed yourself because morning comes quickly.

Ha ha! This is so true! My favorite time of day and about the only time I can get any work done!

Northwind Kennel · Post by **Northwind Kennel** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 5:48 pm

Bev,

That was great

I'm looking forward to the weekend routine. With all your free time, it shouldn't be long before you post that up.

Chris

oakhill · Post by **oakhill** » Sat Feb 10, 2007 5:53 pm

Whew!!! I am exhausted just reading that. There is a light at the end of the tunnel called retirement. Or that is what I have been told. You can sit around all day reading, watching tv, eating bon bons, and doing the nails with a straw in the jc and diet coke with 5 hounds sitting on the couch with ya

Now, does that sound like my life????? NOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!

beagler111 · Post by **beagler111** » Sun Feb 11, 2007 12:43 pm

BEV,
WE MUST HAVE THE SAME NEIGHBORS. I KNOW MINE THINK I AM CRAZY GOING OUT IN PJ'S, WATERING DOGS AND CLEANING KENNELS WHEN IT S SNOWING AND FREEZING OUTSIDE.
ALL MY FRIENDS HAVE DECIDED IM NUTS A LONG TIME AGO FOR HUNTING WHEN ITS SO COLD.
YOUR DAY SOUNDS A LOT LIKE MINE, I PREFER ONION BAGELS. [LOL]
ENJOYED YOUR POST, NICE TO KNOW INSANITY HAS COMPANY.
VICKY
PS I CAN'T IMAGINE CHANGING A THING.

thornie · Post by **thornie** » Sun Feb 11, 2007 1:13 pm

OK Oakhill this is what retirement is about, from male perspecative.

1. Wake up 3 or 4 in morning.
2. Make coffee and get on computer.
3. Make coffe for wife
4. Lay out meal for evening
5. Load dogs and run until 11:30
6. Do dishes
7. Fix lunch and take cat nap 1- 2 hrs
8. Fix supper
9. Watch TV
10. Get up do it all over again

Jack · Post by **Jack** » Sun Feb 11, 2007 3:19 pm

Beverly,
My heart has been broken. You have no time for a man.

Dan Kane · Post by **Dan Kane** » Sun Feb 11, 2007 7:46 pm

Jack, my math may be slightly off but I think I see 61/2 hrs spare hours there.

Post by **Bev** » Sun Feb 11, 2007 7:54 pm

Greg H · Post by **Greg H** » Mon Feb 12, 2007 4:07 am

Jack, my math may be slightly off but I think I see 61/2 hrs spare hours there.

Thats because your using the metric system.

Bev, I enjoyed reading that. Kinda makes me miss the hussle and bussle of Indy. NA not really. I"ll take amish buggies over that traffic anyday.

Emery · Post by **Emery** » Mon Feb 12, 2007 9:20 am

Well, let's see here.

7:00, get my lazy butt outta bed and SSS.
7:30, get my daughter out of bed who always complains, "I'm tired!"
7:45, turn on PBS (Caillou is on) and fix breakfast for her.
8:10, insist that I will turn off the TV if she doesn't get down and put her boots and coat on.
8:15, get into the truck and take her to the bus stop 3 blocks away.
8:22, load her onto the bus and then come home.
11:55, pick her up from school.

Then wonder why I don't have time to run my dogs!!! LOL

Now, if I had to deal with my son too, then you have to add in getting him up and fed and out to the truck too. Whew!

If Michelle takes him to the half day daycare/pre-school on that particular day, I have to go pick him up too.

Man, I can't wait until work picks up again and I can start working on top of all that! LOL

Bev, I can't see why you don't have any time! *ducks for cover*
Emery