The latest announcement from our leader…
WHITE HOUSE
Dear Citizens,
Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, I have decided to implement a new scheme to put workers, 50 years of age and above, on early retirement.
This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for the SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).
Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired-Early Workers).
A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice, and SCREWED as many times as I, President Obama, deem appropriate.
Persons who have been RAPED or SCREWED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much crap (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. I have always prided myself on the amount of crap I give our citizens.
Should you feel that you do not receive enough crap, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been specially trained to give you all the crap you can handle.
Sincerely,
President Barack H. Obama
PS: Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas, and oil, as well as the current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.
