New Heavy Element Discovered

[Emery]

Physicists Identify New Periodic Element Research has led to the


discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. Recent


hurricanes and defense issues are proof of the existence of the new


chemical element.


The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant


neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving


it an atomic mass of 312.


These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are


surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.


Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be


detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into


contact.


A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would


normally take less than a second, to take from four days to four years


to complete.


Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay,


but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the


assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,


Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each


reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming


isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists


to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical


concentration.


This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When


catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element


that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as


many peons but twice as many morons.