True Doctor Stories

[windy hollow]

True Doctor Stories
>
> A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in
> the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's
> dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there
> were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.
> ~Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX.
>
>
> At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
> slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall."Big breaths," I
> instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
> ~Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA.
>
>
> One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her
> husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five
> minuteslater, I heard her reporting to the rest ofthe family that he
> had died of a "massive internal fart."
> ~Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
>
>
> I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test.
> I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your
> right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your
> left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence.
> He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered
> that he had done exactly what I had asked - he was standing there with
> both
> his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
> ~Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA.
>
>
> During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
> he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
> medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put
> on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put
> it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see.
> Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions
> include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
> ~Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA.
>
>
> While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long
> have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she
> answered... "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was
> alive."
> ~Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR.
>
>
> I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked, "So how's your
> breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
> Jelly.. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied.
> I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet
> labeled "KY Jelly."
> ~Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI.
>
>
> A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with
> purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of
> tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
> determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled
> for immediate surgery.
> When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff
> noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a
> tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed,
> the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said,
> "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."
>
>
> and finally..
>
>
> A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed
> performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had
> unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged
> lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burstout laughing
> and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly
> said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but
> the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".
> ~(Dr. wouldn't give his name)