Application: This is an actual job application that a 17-Year old boy
submitted to Wal-Mart in Florida... and they hired him because he was
honest
and funny!
NAME: Greg Bulmash.
SEX: Not yet. Still waiting for the right person
DeSIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be
applying here in the first place.
DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock option s and
a Michael Ovitz severance package. If that's not possible, make an
offer and
we can haggle.
EDUCATION: Yes.
LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY: Less than I'm worth.
MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of
stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and
Thursday.
DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to more
intimate environment.
MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, wouldn't I be
there?
DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM
LIFTING UP
TO 50 LBS.?: Of what?
DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be
"Do
you have a car that runs?"
HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be
a
winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes.
DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
with a
fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the
greatest
thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.
DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN HERE: Aries.
