Osama (again)

[bluegrass]

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies: "I'm
sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The florist is pleased and leaves
the shop.
Next morning when the barber goes to open there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his
door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I cannot
accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
Next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his
door.
Later a Republican comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I
cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Republican is very happy and leaves
the shop.
Next morning when the barber goes to open, there is a thank you card and a dozen different books such as, "How
to Improve Your Business" and "Becoming More Successful."
Then a Democrat comes in for a haircut, and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies: "I'm sorry, I
cannot accept money from you; I'm doing community service this week." The Democrat is very happy and leaves
the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Democrats lined up waiting for a free
haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between Left and Right.



Dear Internal Revenue Service:

Enclosed you will find my 2005 tax return showing that I owe $3,407.00 in taxes. Please note the attached article
from the USA Today newspaper, dated 12 November, wherein you will see the Pentagon (Department of
Defense) is paying $171.50 per hammer and NASA has paid $600.00 per toilet seat.
I am enclosing four (4) toilet seats (valued @ $2,400) and six (6) hammers valued @ $1,029), which I secured at
Home Depot, bringing my total remittance to $3,429.00. Please apply the overpayment of $22.00 to the
"Presidential Election Fund," as noted on my return. You can do this inexpensively by sending them one (1) 1.5"
Phillips Head screw (see aforementioned article from USA Today newspaper detailing how H.U.D. pays $22.00
each for 1.5" Phillips Head Screws). One screw is enclosed for your convenience.
It has been a pleasure to pay my tax bill this year, and I look forward to paying it again next year.

Sincerely,
A Satisfied Taxpayer




A Republican in a wheelchair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The
Republican looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes,"
so the Republican requested that she give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.
The next patron to come in was an Libertarian with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat
down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus
over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Libertarian asked her to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, "My treat."
The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Democrat on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down
and hollered, "Hey there, honey! How's about gettin' me a cold glass of Miller Light!" He, too, looked across the
restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" The waitress once more nodded, so the Democrat directed
her to give Jesus a cold glass of beer. "On my bill," he said
As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Republican, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are
healed." The Republican felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.
Jesus also passed by the Libertarian, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Libertarian
felt his back straightening up, and he raised his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of back flips out the door.
Then Jesus walked towards the Democrat. The Democrat jumped up and yelled, "Don't touch me. Im collecting
disability!"



When Osama bin Laden died, George Washington met him at the Pearly Gates. He slapped him across the face
and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!"

Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed!"
James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for
the common defense!"

Thomas Jefferson was next; he beat Osama with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired
me to write the Declaration of Independence."

The beatings and thrashings continued as James Monroe and 67 other early Americans unleashed their anger on
the terrorist leader.

As Osama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Bin Laden whined through blood and broken teeth and
said, "This is not what you promised me."

*The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I
said

[mike crabtree]

I like that last 1!