Some funnies

[Emery]

>>A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of
> my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well son, you must
> have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"
>>
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>>"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce
> Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week."
> "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then
> I'll try to send her a few bucks myself,"
>>
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>>
>>A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't
> like the looks of your wife at all."
>>
>>"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and
> really good with the kids."
>>
>>
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>>
>>An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he
> has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says, "Maybe,
> but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the
> curse on you.
>>
>>The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and
> wife."
>>
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>>
>>Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder 1. All the DNA is
>>the same. 2. There are no dental records.
>>
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>>
>>A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long
> it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?" The agent replies,
> "Just a minute..." "Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
>>
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>>
>>Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan
> Gonzalez. "How was he killed?" asked one detective.
>>
>>"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
>>
>>"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
>>
>>"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."
>>
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>>
>>This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde
> wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the
> best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those
> pants?"
>>
>>The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by
> buying me a drink."
>>
>>
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>>
>>Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion." Joe: "Really?" Moe:
> "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."
>>
>>
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>>
>>While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband and I passed a
> display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds
> since I had even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought my
> husband's advice. "What do you think?" I asked. "Should I get a bikini or
> an
> all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all
> in one."
>>
>>
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>>
>>Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and beeped the
> horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation. He
> said, "I did that by accident." She replied, "I know that, Grandpa." He
> replied, "How did you know?" She said, "Because you didn't say "*@#^@&*%"
> afterwards."