Test from Catholic school

[tnbeagleman]

PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE
>EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC
>ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW
>TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY
>CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT
>SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.
>
>1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS. GOD GOT TIRED OF CREATING THE
>WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.
>
>2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF
>ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.
>
>3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING
>THE NIGHT.
>
>
>4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE
>WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.
>
>5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE
>DELILAH.
>
>6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.
>
>7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH
>IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.
>
>8, THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP
>TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.
>
>9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.
>
>10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.
>
>11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS
>IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.
>
>12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOLD HIS SON TO STAND
>STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.
>
>13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT
>THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.
>
>14. SOLOMON, ONE
>OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.
>
>15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.
>
>16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN
>THE MANAGER.
>
>17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.
>
>18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.
>
>19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE
>THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.
>
>20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE
>TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.
>
>21. THE PEOPLE WHO
>FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.
>
>22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.
>
>23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.
>
>24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS
>ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.
>
>
>25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.
>
>
>
>
>
>

[MURL-BEAGLER]

Herald,
Did you pass this test?

[tnbeagleman]

Most of it was to complicated for me. LOL

[Emery]

Waiting for Bev to chime in here... LOL Good one!