Dear God

[Emery]

TO: ! GOD:
FROM: THE DOG

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell
one another?

Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it
still the same old story?

Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the
mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but not ONE named for a
dog? How often do you see a cougar riding around? We do love a nice ride!
Would it be so hard to rename the "Chrysler Eagle" the " Chrysler Beagle"?

Dear God: If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears
him, is he still a bad dog?

Dear God: We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand
signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers! , scent ID's, electromagnetic
energy fie lds, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?

Dear God: More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God: Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
apologize?

Dear God: Let me give you a list of just some of the things I must
remember to be a good dog.

1 . I will not eat the cats' food before they eat it or after they throw
it up.

2. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I
like the way they smell.

3. The Litter Box is not a cookie jar.

4. The sofa is not a 'face towel'.

5. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.

6. I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the
toilet.

7. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is an unacceptable way of
saying "hello".

8. I don't need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm under the coffee
table .

9. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house -
not after.

10. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt.

11. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch.

12. The cat is not a 'squeaky toy' so when I play with him and he makes
that noise, it's usually not a good thing.

P.S. Dear God: When I get to Heaven may I have my testicles back?